There’s no simple way to pause without feeling as though I’m letting something slip. If you’ve followed my writings for a while, you’ll know how much I value consistency. Writing has always been both a ritual and a release, that is, a way to process, express and connect. Over the next 3 to 4 months, writings will still be posted once a week, however, I have pre-written and pre-scheduled them so I can keep things active here while I recover. That means I will not be logging in for a while.
On 1st December, I will undergo gene therapy surgery for Retinitis Pigmentosa, specifically the Luxterna treatment for the RPE65 gene. Initially, the plan was to treat both eyes. However, after extensive discussions with my doctors, we agreed to do only my right eye; the worse of the two. The procedure will still come with a considerable recovery period where screen use, bright light and even simple tasks will be more challenging than usual. This is an unfamiliar level of surrender, not the romanticised kind tied to trust or devotion, but a surrender that asks me to slow down completely and rely on others in ways I am not always comfortable with.
My mum will be here with me throughout this process, supporting me through surgery and recovery. Her presence is something I deeply appreciate, even though a part of me instinctively wants to say, “I’ve got it.” This time, the real strength lies in allowing myself to be cared for, stepping back from control and recognising that this process is not meant to be faced alone.
There is always a temptation to apologise for slowing down, yet I know this pause is essential. Rest is essential. Choosing stillness is essential. Even those of us who carry strength for others need to pause, recalibrate and be cared for. That does not make us any less powerful; it shows a different kind of strength.
Thank you for reading this and for your patience as I step into this slower rhythm. The upcoming posts will mostly emerge from a space of reflection but they will still follow the topics I usually write about such as: mental health (C-PTSD, trauma, etc.), my experiences as a disabled person, educational metaphysical writings and poetry.
Mystic Anomanly 